‘I’m not stupid but I sure have been made to feel that way.’
My story won’t be any different from the article and stories I read on your website but it is good to know I am not alone. Everything people wrote about feeling horrible about themselves and not sleeping, not going out, not having money for food is true of me! I have a BS in Education and taught in the public school systems in Texas and Florida for over 15 years. I was on an annual contract in ‘08 in Florida when I was told my position was eliminated. I did apply for unemployment but thought that the proper thing to do was get another job immediately. I found a temp job and lost my unemployment. I also lost that job after working one month. Of course, I was no longer eligible for unemployment.
I found other odd jobs but was forced to sale my house on a short-sale. I attempted suicide when I had no money, no gas for my car, no job, no food, and my electric and water had been shut off. Only by some fluke of nature or whatever you want to call it did I survive. But survive is all I have been doing ever since. Odd jobs and graciousness from my mom keep me going but I have no quality of life. I live in hell on earth each and everyday.
I’m not stupid but I sure have been made to feel that way. I have filled out 100s of online applications and sent my resume as well and haven’t even received so much as an email from any of the places I have applied. It now seems like filling out online applications is someone’s idea of a cruel joke. They seem pointless. If I physically go into a place to inquire about jobs, the management always tells me to fill out the online application and then I never hear back.
At this point, I live with my boyfriend because it is a roof over my head. My mother sends me money each month that helps me pay bills and have food. I have no car, no other means of money coming in, no TV, and basically no life. I have no self-esteem and no motivation. Everything seems pointless to me. I go nowhere because I have no transportation and no money. I have been to other parts of the world during better parts of my life, South Korea, Germany, Italy, Barbados, and people in those countries seem to have a better life than I do. Sometimes it seems unreal that I am an American!
At 46, I never dreamed my life would ever be like this.
Linda L., via email
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