‘Am I really the cause of all this trouble in our family?’
At one point in my life I was racking in money doing factory work for many years. This is what helped my girlfriend, daughter, and I purchase our first house. I have come so far in life, but am now feeling the wrath of losing about everything I worked hard to get! This factory life was paying good, but I was a hurting unit and my passion for something like that was not there. So my girlfriend and I decided I take up college online and find a part time job.
Everything was affordable just barely with me pulling in 20 hour a week paychecks at minimum wage, until the company I worked for went bankrupt and shut down. I managed to complete my Bachelors degree in 3 years by going all year round, graduating July 2010 while out of work for 5 months.
An entire year has gone by now. I have a college degree, but unable to find anything in my field of study without relocating 1,000’s of miles from my home. The reality of it all is about to hit me hard with my college loans coming up by the end of the month. I still have no source of income coming in. My girlfriend and I fight about money constantly and are on the verge of losing our house.
Every day I browse the internet searching for any kind of job … even the ones that don’t pertain to my degree. Over the course of a year I have applied to over 150 places online by sending them my resume and cover letter. Out of those places, I’ve only gotten a response from about 10 and only 4 interviews were conducted. Another struggling week goes by with high hopes of nailing any kind of job, then I get a phone call or letter stating someone else was more qualified for the job!
I was on unemployment for less than 3 months, but was eventually denied services due to me not reporting to a job session class. With no car at the time and my girlfriend working 2 jobs just to get some form of food in the house, the instructed class session did not fit our schedule. Unemployment has not helped me since that day.
The hardest thing about being unemployed for so long is sitting at home all day and night while your loved one works around the clock to support you. This almost always leads to an arguement when we do have time together and hurts our relationship of 11 years. There is a part of her that says she wants to have the bank take our house and move to an affordable apartment closer to her work while leaving me on the side of the curb. The fingers always get pointed in my direction. I am the reason we have no food. I am the reason we will lose the house.
Am I really the cause of all this trouble in our family? I start to think so. Because she could be thriving on her own in an apartment; whereas I will be hit with a huge college loan payment and no income coming in to pay it or live on my own. Let alone my junker car is on the verge of kicking the bucket soon and will have no means of transportation by winters end.
It starts to eat at you. This whole job thing. I am left with tons of questions as to why nothing is happening even though I am applying myself. Once you start feeling the effects of it all you lose motivation and self confidence. I hide my emotions, but deep down I feel I am dying off. I smile less. Friends don’t call me anymore to do things because I can’t afford to. I feel like a hermit living under a rock. I feel worthless. I feel like I’m pulling my girlfriend and daughter into a hole with me. Our once loving relationship has turned bitter and sour.
These are the thoughts from the unemployed Jeremy from Wisconsin. Take it how you want. I will keep fighting this battle until there is nothing left in my life, even though I would rather not start over again. This has been the hardest problem I have dealt with in my life and the effects of it all is devastating to my family, my inner feelings, my personal relationships, and my self worth. I know there are others out there trying their hardest to survive. I just want to someday say that we made it through … but that day never comes.
Jeremy L., via email
